Sometimes, people suffering from various forms of abuse experience a phenomenon known as trauma bonding. This is a natural psychological response to certain abusive relationships that gives the victim a coping mechanism. A key to escaping and healing is knowing how to recognize a trauma bond.
Definition of Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding is when an individual develops an emotional attachment to an abuser due to mistreatment or abuse followed by intermittent periods of positive reinforcement. This cycle can create a deep bond between the abuser and the abused – making it extremely difficult for the victim to leave, as this bond mingles fear with love and affection.
In a relationship with a trauma bond, the aggressor will abuse the victim physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually – or otherwise mistreat the victim. Then, the abuser will give the victim positive affirmations, such as expressions of love and regret. This back-and-forth cycle of punishment and reward can cause a psychological response that makes the victim emotionally dependent on the person in the position of power. Please note that if you need a sexual assault attorney in Illinois, reach out to Mahoney Law Firm.
Common Stages of Trauma Bonding
Not all abusive relationships involve trauma bonding. However, it is important to be aware of this possibility and to know how trauma bonding occurs so that you can spot it.
Although every relationship is unique, trauma bonding scenarios often involve the following stages:
- Love bombing: showering a victim with affection, gifts, compliments and praise. This often occurs in the early stages of an abusive relationship or after periods of abuse or mistreatment.
- Building tension: the abuser makes the victim feel stressed, scared or on edge by showing anger, control, manipulation or abuse.
- Gaslighting: manipulating the victim by making them question themselves and their sanity, typically by providing constant false information or criticizing them.
- Reconciliation: apologizing to the victim, expressing affection and regret, and promising it will never happen again. This stage is to reinforce feelings of hope in the victim – perpetuating the power the abuser has over the victim.
- Emotional addiction: the unpredictable highs and lows of the relationship become addictive to the individual due to the body constantly producing cortisol from stress followed by dopamine from pleasure.
This general cycle will repeat itself in an abusive relationship until it can create a trauma bond. At this point, the victim may not be emotionally able to leave the relationship, or may believe that the abuser can change.
How to Identify and Heal From a Trauma Bond Relationship
In an abusive relationship, the abuser constantly alternates between hurting and soothing the victim – making the victim feel emotionally attached. This can make it exceedingly difficult for the victim to leave the relationship. Recognizing the signs of a trauma bond could help an abused person get the help they need.
Signs of trauma bonding can include the victim lying about or covering up abuse to family and friends, thinking they are to blame for the abuse, and a constant cycle of abuse and reconciliation. An abuser promising to change (without ever changing), isolating the victim from others, and controlling the victim through manipulation are also signs of trauma bonding.
Once a trauma bond is recognized, a victim may be able to break it. If you find yourself in this situation, know that help is available – and that it is possible to move past a trauma bond for good. Make a plan to leave that prioritizes your safety. This includes going someplace where you will have support, either from people you trust or a safe house. After you leave, turn to tools such as therapy and support groups to heal and move forward.
