Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that can be used to abuse and control someone in a toxic relationship. If not recognized and dealt with, gaslighting can have serious and long-term consequences for the victim, including low feelings of self-worth, chronic anxiety, depression and staying in a potentially dangerous relationship. Help is available if you are a victim of gaslighting.
What Is Gaslighting?
“Gaslighting” refers to an individual psychologically manipulating someone else to make the victim question their own sanity, beliefs or intelligence. It is a form of psychological or mental abuse that allows a person to manipulate and coercively control the victim.Â
Victims of gaslighting are often deliberately given false information by the perpetrator, to the point where the victim starts to question what is true. This self-doubt can open the door for the victim to become reliant upon the victim, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to recognize the truth and leave.
What Does Gaslighting Look Like?
​Gaslighting often involves keeping the victim confused or unsure about events, memories, feelings or reality. It is effective because the victim starts to question his or her own mind. This breaks down the victim’s self-confidence and places the abuser in a position of power. The abuser can then sweep in and “help” or guide the victim. In this way, the abuser manipulates the situation and gets to be in control.
Note that while gaslighting is commonly seen between spouses, it does not only happen in romantic relationships. It can also occur between parents and their children, caregivers and their patients, and in any relationship where there is an imbalance of power, such as an employer and employee or teacher and student.
How Can Gaslighting Impact You?
Like all forms of psychological abuse, gaslighting is about power and control. It is a tool that can be used by an abusive spouse to keep his or her partner unsure, insecure and in a position of helplessness. Gaslighting can lead to a victim remaining in an unhealthy, abusive or dangerous relationship. Ultimately, this can have many repercussions.
Potential effects include:
- Physical injuries
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Confusion or self-doubt
- Low self-worth and self-esteem
- Self-blame
- Isolation or withdrawal from others
- Psychological trauma
- Emotional distress
- Sexual abuse
- Overall decline in health
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Suicidal thoughts or tendencies
- Financial harm or ruin
Gaslighting often goes hand-in-hand with other forms of abuse, such as verbal, emotional, physical, sexual and financial abuse. The adverse effects suffered by the victim will depend on the severity and nature of the situation.
Common Signs and Examples of Gaslighting
Escaping a gaslighting situation starts with recognizing this form of abuse in your life. There are numerous examples and possible types of gaslighting. The following are common examples of gaslighting that you should look out for in your personal and professional relationships:
- Denying that an event or memory ever happened.
- Calling you crazy or making you doubt your sanity.
- Repeatedly changing the truth by denying facts or the surrounding circumstances.
- Dismissing or trivializing your feelings, concerns or needs.
- Distorting reality by denying that an event ever happened.
- Lying about something and refusing to admit it once caught.
- Blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault.
- Accusing you of behaviors that he or she is often guilty of (deflecting blame).
- Redirecting the conversation to confuse you.
- Belittling you to erode your confidence and self-worth.
- Enlisting help from others to discredit you or build a false narrative.
Gaslighting may not initially feel like traditional forms of abuse, but if someone else consistently takes these actions against you, you may be a victim of psychological abuse that is meant to belittle and control you. As soon as you recognize the signs, take action to protect yourself.
How to Seek Support for Your Gaslighting Experience
You are not alone as a victim of gaslighting. This is a prevalent form of abuse that can arise in many types of relationships. The first step is recognizing the presence of gaslighting in your life. Once you identify gaslighting, you can take steps to get out, get help and get better.
Detach From Anger
First, you must diffuse the situation and distance yourself from the gaslighter. In moments where you suspect gaslighting, try to stay calm and composed. An emotional reaction from you is part of the gaslighter’s manipulation. Avoid engaging in arguments. Set boundaries and limit your interactions with the gaslighter as much as possible.
If gaslighting is part of a domestic abuse situation, get help from a safe shelter in Illinois when separating your life from the abuser. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for 24/7/365 confidential support.
Keep a Record
Start keeping track of facts and events in a private journal. This can help you confirm your own thoughts and prove gaslighting. Continue documenting the gaslighter’s activities, words and abusive incidents for the record. This can help you prove a case you may wish to bring against the abuser later, such as criminal charges or a civil lawsuit.
Take Care of Yourself
Start your personal healing journey by reaching out to a professional for support, such as a therapist or psychiatrist. Talking to someone about what you experienced can help you heal and learn healthy coping mechanisms for lingering emotional trauma. You can also consider joining a support group. Self-care practices, such as journaling and yoga, can also help you cope with the after-effects of gaslighting and feel more like yourself again.
Get Justice
Getting out of an abusive relationship is the most important thing to do as a victim of gaslighting. If you suffered injuries or losses because of the abuser, however, consider seeking justice through the criminal and civil courts. This can give you closure by holding the abuser accountable.
If the gaslighting involved domestic abuse or assault, you can report the abuser to law enforcement and press criminal charges. This could lead to a sentence to punish the abuser, such as fines and jail time. You may wish to file a restraining order, as well, for your own protection.
As a victim of abuse, you also have the right to file a civil claim against the abuser in pursuit of financial compensation. You may be entitled to compensation for your related medical bills, lost wages, pain and suffering, emotional harm, and more as a victim of gaslighting in Illinois.
You do not have to do this alone. For more information about gaslighting or to get legal advice for your unique situation, contact Mahoney Law Firm for a free, confidential consultation in Illinois.
